One of These Days
by wItHouT a tRacE fReAk
Summary: She's regretting the choices she made...MS of course! XD


**Disclaimer**: None of these characters (except for Shannon) belong to me.

**Author's Note**: This song is "One of These Days" by Michelle Branch. This is probably the first time I wrote in first person by a person's point of view so bear with me and any mistakes I make. Reviews are always welcome as usual. ;-)

_I didn't notice  
__But I didn't care  
__I tried being honest  
__But that lead nowhere_

As I sat at my desk, I tried to ignore him on the phone, talking sweet nothings to his girlfriend, Shannon. When I heard him hang up (after confirming a date), I pretended to be engrossed in my paperwork so he wouldn't know I was eavesdropping. But he knew. He knew because he's known me for the past three years and intimately for the past six months.

"G'nigt, Sam." He said as he passed by my desk.

I looked up with a smile plastered on my face. "Night, Martin."

Something flickered in his eyes when he looked at me. Hurt? Possibly. I looked away, as not to be caught in his blue eyes.

_I watched the station  
__Saw the bus pulling through  
__And I don't mind saying  
__A part of me left with you_

Awhile later, I gathered up my stuff and headed to a near-by bar to contemplate my thoughts. As I waited for my martini, my mind wandered back to the look in his eyes. Maybe it was hurt. After all, I was the one who left.

It has been a rough two weeks for me being alone but I'll survive. The aching had subsided but it's still there. Yet at nights I often find myself regretting letting him go.

With a part of my heart.

_One of these days  
__I won't be afraid of staying with you  
__I hope and I pray  
__Waiting to find a way back to you  
_'_Cause that's where I'm home_

Maybe I never should have let him go but things became too complicated. And I was scared. Scared of letting him in, scared he would leave me but most of all, scared he loved me. It wasn't until after he was gone I realized this: Martin did love me and I did let him in. I almost ran back to him but I convinced myself not to.

Now, sitting here in the bar with my martini, I realize I want him back. I want him more than I want air because Martin is my air.

_Did I make you nervous?  
__Did I ask for too much?  
__Was I not deserving one second of your touch?_

But it's too late. He's with Shannon. And I'm alone. Maybe Martin wasn't meant for me. I had always thought Martin was too good of a person for me and somehow I didn't deserve him.

_One of these days  
__I won't be afraid of staying with you  
__I hope and I pray  
__Waiting to find a way back to you  
_'_Cause that's where I'm home_

I never got the chance to tell him "I love you". Those unspoken words seem to burn me slowly each passing day. Now I wish I could reverse time and tell him.

The door opened and I turned to see Martin and Shannon with him arms around her shoulders. They were laughing over something he said and the sound resonated to me. He looked around for an empty table and I continued to look. His eyes connected with mine but this time, he was the one that looked away. He escorts her to a table. She smiles at him when he gets her chair for her. The ache in my heart is back now, hurting even worse than before. I ordered another drink and didn't realize he was standing next to me.

_What would you do if I could have you?  
__Oh, if I could  
__I'd let you feel everything I'm thinking  
__Wouldn't that be nice?_

"Hi, Sam."

I didn't say anything and continued to drink my martini, looking straight ahead at the wall. I heard him sigh then order two beers.

"Sam, say something." He almost begged me.

"What would you do if I went back?" I asked, my voice no louder than a whisper.

He must've been surprised by the question because he didn't say anything for awhile. "I don't know. Why?"

"I wish I never left." I admitted sadly.

Another sigh. "Sam-" he began.

"I love you." I told him.

Finally I braved a chance and looked at him. His face showed shock and I took this moment to leave. I dropped a few bills on the counter, grabbed my jacket and purse, and headed for the door. Out in the cold, I hailed a cab and immediately, one comes up beside me.

_One of these days  
__I won't be afraid of staying with you_

Just as I'm about to get in, I heard him call my name so I stopped, but refused to look back at him so he wouldn't see the tears forming.

"Someday-" Martin stopped talking but I got the message.

I sighed, then raised my head to look at him. I smiled at him, despite the tears. "Someday."

He smiled back at me. I turned my gaze back down at the ground then got into the cab because I didn't want to get caught in his blue eyes.

I had written this story awhile ago and spent a few weeks fixing it so it actually made sense to me. So here it is. RR!  
I've got a couple more fanfics up my sleeve, most songfics and one long fanfic and I'll try my hardest to post them up soon!!!!


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